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Demons and Whatnot

by Cephalorachnid

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1.
I don’t belong here There’s something wrong here I wasn’t ever meant to Be in this position In place of where a human should be Is me, a different kind of creature I crave, I crave, I crave, but for what? The gaze of Homo sapiens Is tearing me apart I crave, I crave, I crave Even more I just need you to adore me I’m so sorry I am a changeling I was born wrong Replaced the expectation with A creature of the fog A changeling Monster of the fae And I need you to love me or I’ll die, I’ll die A changeling Knew it all along The hope for me has disappeared And perished long ago A changeling Parasitic lie And I need you to love me or I’ll die, I’ll die Changeling, changeling I have to, I have to, I have to be Perfect daughter, perfect son Swear to god, perfect one Ah, How did I even come about Why do I want to claw my eyes out Who did I kill to be an effigy of Ah, I’m plagued by visions of my mouth My teeth collecting veins and shrill shouts I cannot banish what my mind is conjuring As long as I’m not hated, none Will ever even know Just as long as I keep feeding on The precious human love And as long as I’m still breathing, my Salvation is a joke And the guilt of living petrifies And makes me want to choke I am a changeling I was born wrong I’m overwhelmed by instincts telling Me I have to run A changeling Sans a real name And I need you to love me or I’ll die, I’ll die A changeling Knew it all along The fear I hold inside me is Embedded in my lungs A changeling Parasitic lie And I need you to love me or I’ll die, I’ll die Changeling, changeling I cannot, I cannot, I cannot be Perfect daughter, perfect son Swear to god, perfect one Say it ain't so Their eyes are aglow Shucking my skin For what's inside me Say it ain't so I'm never alone Killing my voice Because they found me I don't belong here There's something wrong here Extrapolating from my Current disposition I don't belong here Say there's nothing wrong here Grant me permission So I can exist Ah I am a changeling I was born wrong Spectacular admonishments Will paralyze my tongue A changeling Parasitic lie And I need you to love me or I'll die I am a changeling I was made wrong A pure unwilling leech inside An ocean full of blood A changeling Something that replaced And I need you to love me or I'll die, I'll die A changeling Broken from the start A substitute akin to an Imaginary death A changeling Corporeal lie And I need you to love me or I'll die, I'll die Die [Changeling, changeling] I should not, I should not, I should not be Perfect daughter, perfect son Swear to god, perfect one
2.
Who was I ever supposed to be? There’s nothing so far that I can recall What happens if I never leave? I do not know; I do not dare to know What I’d sow Who did I think I was going to be? There’s something there that I just can’t recall What if I never want to see? I do not know if I should ever know How I’ve grown Something more, there’s something more Watching from the future’s door I’m a memory, I’m a memory I’m a memory of something more than you see I’m a memory, I’m a memory, I’m a memory of something loving I’m a memory, I’m a memory I’m a memory of something more than you see I’m a memory, I’m a memory, I’m a fear of something that is dying Pointe in the rain Pointe in the rain En pointe in the rain Pointe in the rain [Ultimately, dancing on the tips of the toes is unnatural, painful, and potentially harmful. Every other activity of the human foot— walking, running, jumping— has been part of its evolutionary journey from arboreal to bipedal locomotion. Dancing en pointe has not.] Is this the thing I was meant to be? I ask myself if they saw me before Could it have all gone differently? What would I think if I could tell myself? Would I melt? Is this the best that could come to be? Will this be what I am wistful about? So many “me”s are watching me Infinite mirrors dancing all around I might drown Future self, a friend of mine What will you see when it’s time? I’m a memory, I’m a memory I’m a memory of something more than you see I’m a memory, I’m a memory, I’m a memory of something loving I’m a memory, I’m a memory I’m a memory of something more than you see I’m a memory, I’m a memory, I’m a piece of something that I can’t see Pointe in the rain Pointe in the rain En pointe in the rain Pointe in the rain [It has been argued from the nature of sensations and ideas that there is no such thing as a permanent identity.] I’m a memory, I’m a fallacy I have no idea who I’m going to be Paradoxically, I am never me I have no idea what am Pointe in the rain Pointe in the rain En pointe in the rain Pointe in the rain
3.
Gently, now Come take my hand I'm in love with a killer I'm in love with a killer I'm in love with a killer I'm in love with a killer I will find you Softly, now Make sure it's closed I'm in love with a killer I'm in love with a killer I'm in love with a killer I'm in love with a killer [My/Your] true love was a killer [My/Your] true love was a killer [My/Your] true love was was killer [My/Your] true love was was killer I will come find you Don't run away Quickly, now Cast all your doubts aside For me (for you) I'm in love with a killer I'm in love with a killer I'm in love with a killer I'm in love with a killer [My/Your] true love is a killer [My/Your] true love is a killer [My/Your] true love is a killer [My/Your] true love is a killer I'm in love Falling out of touch Stricken by a bug Out of body
4.
Caught Without a future Expecting An obituary Wondering When the day will be When you Finally end it all It's hard to say goodbye to the Idea of saying goodbye It's hard to look yourself In the eye I reached into the sky And thought of why I wonder why What would I even be If I died The first lichen on a Barren land Has to grow with nothing to Sustain it After waiting for so long to be Saved by something I became something More I choose to live Even if hurts me I choose to live Even if I crawl I choose to live Despite the worms inside me Telling me to decay I guess I want to stay Who I once was Thought I'd never be It's funny 'cause It was always easy I never thought that I would make it this far In my hands I held a ticking clock It's hard to stay away from the Idea of quickened escape It's hard to hear yourself In your mind I looked outside the glass And found pink petals in the grass What would I even see If I died The void that had slowly Consumed my heart Told me lies, and I had to Reclaim it After being so cemented in Molten plastic I yearned for something More I choose to live Even if hurts me I choose to live Even if I crawl I choose to live Despite the worms inside me Telling me to decay I guess I want to Stay Even in this circus I choose to live Even if I rot I choose to live Despite the dandelions Threatening to eat my name I guess I want to stay Even if I drag myself Kicking and screaming The sympathy Is agony The malady is self sustained By echoed Sentiment Born deep within an idol Of a god Who turns it into guilt It's hard to break the cycle of Believing you're poisonous It's tough to think that you Could be loved I searched within the sounds Once overwhelmed by petty doubts What could I even make If I died The magic that's dwelling In the mundane Is a choice, and I have To make it After realizing that I was Born to laugh, I Saw what I was Searching for I choose to live Even if hurts me I choose to live Even if I crawl I choose to live Despite the worms inside me Telling me to decay I guess I want to Stay Even in this circus I choose to live Even if I rot I choose to live Despite the dandelions Threatening to eat my name I guess I want to stay Even if I drag myself Kicking and screaming Even if I drag myself Kicking and screaming I guess I want to stay
5.
You’re so pretty, you’re so little You’re so precious, you So much more aware than anybody Ever knew It’s no matter, there’s no matter Be the bigger man What could all these other people Ever understand? The poison that I take, my horrible mistake Was tolerating this for nobody’s sake I’m gonna break you down And hurt you the way you hurt me too I’m gonna break you down And watch you fall apart I’m gonna break you down And ruin your way of thinking, too I’m gonna break you down And watch you get destroyed, falling apart Watching, learning, there’s no telling What I’m gonna do Boundless fury, free from jury Aiming down at you Watch my wrath and see my power Fear me like no else I am so much more than you thought Do you regret yourself? The concept that I couldn’t fathom to exist Is fucking my brain like an incubus (It feels good) I’m gonna break you down And fool you the way you fooled me, too I’m gonna break you down And watch you bite the dust I’m gonna break you down And shatter your sense of being, too I’m gonna break you down And watch you beg your god, falling apart [Break] I'm gonna break you down And hurt you the way you hurt me too I'm gonna break you down And watch you fall apart I'm gonna break you down And ruin your way of thinking, too I’m gonna break you down And watch you get destroyed, falling apart I'm gonna break you down And shatter your fucking spirit, too I'm gonna break you down And watch you lose your mind I'm gonna break you down And crush you until you're choking, too I'm gonna break you down And watch you fall apart And watch you get destroyed And watch you bite the dust And watch you beg your god, falling apart
6.
Is That Me? 03:17
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credits

released January 6, 2024

Album art: me

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Cephalorachnid

Just some little guy doing their best.

I write a variety of musical styles, and no album will necessarily stick to one genre. I think it's a little more fun that way.

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